Expectations….we all have them, and most times they tend to be bigger than others, but have you ever thought that it might be sabotaging your ability to succeed? Think about a time when you started something; it could be a hobby, business or anything you had a goal to meet only to fall short.
When we start a goal, we have so many hopes and dreams of what it will bring us, but when things do not turn out the way we expected what do some of us end up doing? The usual suspects might be to give up, get discouraged, depressed, anger, for a small few, drastic measures. But do you know when to trade expectation for appreciation?
How High is Your Level of Expectation?
There is a story about a young girl that was groomed for years to be a queen. The mother and daughter went above and beyond to prepare and campaign to win the coveted, “Homecoming Queen” at her high school. No matter how much they prepared, the expectation behind “winning” was so much more powerful than anything else. Have you just “expected” something sensational to happen because of your preparation or commitment? What was the result? Did you press on or simply give up? The monumental day came when they announced the winner who was named, “homecoming queen” and she was not picked. The sad result is this young woman committed suicide.Do We Appreciate When It Is Too Late?
It is not to say, that any of us would have the same fate, but is there a level of expectation that might put you over the edge if you did not? I do not mean to make this into some morbid story, but for some of us with life’s current economic situation, it might be tougher for most. We spend so much time expecting things to happen in our lives instead of just appreciating what we already have the right in front of us. I do not have that million dollar job, but I have a job that pays the bills and I am happy with it. Same goes for a business you might have started that might not be worth hundreds of thousands per month, but it supports your well-being. Pays the rent, you get the picture. Appreciation for what life has already given us is hard for some of us to see. Being able to see past what you did not meet versus what you already have can be the difference from those that do not give up and those that do. Can you appreciate that not everything is going to work out like you envisioned? Can you see your mistakes or failures (if any) as an opportunity?What do you really appreciate?
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Carol Lynn
You sounded like me at the end there… lately I’ve been throwing a lot of my own 2 cents around
I agree that it’s really important to be grateful for what you have. Sometimes people get so attached to their own expectations of things that it leads – as you showed – to tragic results. Even if it’s not tragic, some people get so disillusioned and then they can’t function when something doesn’t go the way they imagine it would.
I think it would be better to approach everything with curiosity instead of expectation. Wonder what’s going to happen. You can imagine it, but don’t get so fixated on only one outcome that everything else is a letdown.
And that’s my 2 cents!
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Sonia
Hi Carol, I love what you said here. I heard this keynote from TR and when he told us this story it really hit me. I can’t count how many times when I first started out with an online business back in 2000 and all the expectations I put on myself. I think expectations are scary, but reasonable if it keeps you focused, but where it back fires in my opinion is when you don’t hit your target and don’t accept the progress you already attained so far. I see the pain behind it too and how many of us give up and dump our dreams in the trash. I think there has to be a balancing act (if any),but if I fail, I just keep getting back up. Thanks girl for your comment and sharing how you felt about this subject.
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Allie
Sonia,
I was once one of those people that expected things without working for them. I was horrible. Maybe I was given too much in my childhood because my mom had it harsh when she was a child and she didn’t want me to ever feel that. But I think she did me a disservice. She made it so I expected others to make things easy for me. I learned the hard way when my husband ranted about me earlier in our marriage. He said I expected unreasonable things and when given to me I didn’t appreciate them. Luckily, he helped me to realize this and I feel I no longer expect so much.
It was a hard lesson to learn but it has made me a better person.
~Allie
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Sonia
Hi Allie, been there done that girl. I made that same mistake too in my first marriage. I think I just wanted and expected things to be a certain way and when it didn’t happen, I grew bored and eventually withdrew from him too. It’s one thing to expect to succeed or expect to get that, but when you don’t get what you want, people get so discouraged and worse things happen. How are you by the way? Sorry I wasn’t able to get together with you in Sept.
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Allie
Been good. Just doing the mom thing mostly. Ha ha.
No biggie on not meeting up, things happen and we get busy. I think I ended up going to the Giants game that day anyway.
But I still think we should meet up sometime for coffee or lunch. Somewhere in the middle.
~Allie
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Sonia
Agree. You have my number? Lets chat over the phone.
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Lisa
I think we do need some expectations so we can have a goal in mind to work towards but know that we may not reach it fully and have Plan B ready.
People should not consider one failure a complete failure of themselves either. Many successes in life have come after many failures.
Great topic Sonia
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Sonia
Hi Lisa, I forgot about plan b, but I like what you said. Some just don’t have that plan b or even c, but its something good planners put in place when they prepare themselves with the idea that it might not go the way we want. Girl, I can’t tell you how many things I plan and don’t turn out the way we want. I remember back in 2001 I wanted this Jetta I saw so bad that I went about trying to get it no matter what. 6 yrs later, I had to wreck my car, get a divorce and presto I ended up with my dream car, but not the way I wanted it. Another time was dragging my dad to a dealership with all my friends expecting me to get a new jeep, but my dad had bad credit and I walked away with no car. I was crushed. I still remember that. thanks girl for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate that.
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Lynn Brown
I agree with Lisa, that some expectations can help us to stay focused and achieve our goals. But too much expectation can become an excuse rather than just a measurement of what might be happening in your life.
Appreciation is having the gratitude of others, knowing and accepting of your situation and surroundings can be humbling and also a sense of success.
This is a great reminder to pull up the reins and really look around because there are so many things we can appreciate, feel good about which will help our inner self and be a much more positive person.
Twitter: learnit2earnit
Sonia
Welcome Lynn, awesome comment! Focus yes, but where I was going was that people put too many expectation, more so than others and it might become unhealthy for anyone not strong enough to withstand unforeseen failure. I love what you said because we need to be resourceful and know that if one doesn’t pan out, you have an alternate route to take to achieve your goal. Thank you so much for the visit and taking the time to comment.
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Sylviane Nuccio
Hi Sonia,
Excellent post.
What we need is have a balanced state of mind.
We need to appreciate each and every aspect of our life each and every day. We need to learn to appreciate the moment. Then, on the other hand we need to work on our goals, using visions, and positive self talks, for example.
The sad story of the home coming wanna be queen girl is that there was an too much hope put on something that really, wasn’t a matter of life and death. But that’s what being an unbalanced mind can bring on – a totally out of proportion reaction with disastrous results.
Balance, gratefulness and appropriate expectations are what we need.
Thanks for this thought provoking post.
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Sonia
Thank you Sylviane. Unbalanced yes when a person puts too much hope into something. I think allot of people do that unconsciously (not with those drastic end results), but get crushed (myself included) when something doesn’t turn out the way we expected. There are things I have worked to get only to get something completely different as the outcome. Was I disappointed? Yes and no. My mother use to always say, you won’t always get what you want, when you want and how you want. Thanks girl for your comment and taking the time to read my post. How are things with you?
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Jeevan Jacob John
I don’t mind expectations, Sonia (Well, there is nothing wrong with having expectations, is there? The expectations are part of our life).
The real problem is how we manage our expectations, how we perceive them further.
Take for instance: A failed expectation can do two things to us: One, depress us or two, motivate us to try even further and achieve it.
It’s all about our perspective on expectations (ask ourselves: hat’s going to happen if things don’t go according to our expectation?). But, don’t worry over it.
Like Sylviane mentioned earlier in her comment, balance is the key!
Twitter: blognetworking
Sonia
Hi Jeevan! Balance is key, but most times some people don’t often give themselves that option and end up more crushed after the fact. Great comment Jeevan. Thank you!
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Adrienne
I just got through reading a post Sonia about a guy who is living the life he’s always wanted and has been working online for 12 years. The only problem is that it cost him his family.
He expected to make it big, he expected all of the dreams to come true where he could come and go as he pleased and money never be an option. The problem is that he ignored his family during the process and just expected it all to work out in the end. It didn’t and he got divorced this past June.
I’ve always told people to enjoy this present moment because it’s all we have. I know we’re all working towards things and goals but don’t let them overcome your life to where you ignore what’s important to you.
Great reminder Sonia, thank you for waking us up about this issue. Life is worth living and enjoying each and every day.
~Adrienne
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Sonia
You got the story behind the young girl and her expectations to win no matter what. The story for the guy is the same thing and it cost him everything. I think we all need dreams and goals and even a little expectation as a sense of confidence, but when they start interfering with what matters most, then its not worth it. Thanks Adrienne for sharing that story.
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Sue Price
Hi Sonia
It is a balancing act for sure. I know for a time in my life I was so goal oriented I would achieve something then move on to the next one never taking the time to appreciate when did reach a goal.
I believe gratitude puts us in a place where we can receive more.
Excellent post Sonia.
Sue
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Sonia
That’s is Sue, gratitude and I think some people mix that up and expect to have everything. When it doesn’t come out the way they “expected”, they might be more crushed later on.
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Oliver Tausend
Hi Sonia,
isn’t there an old saying that counting our blessings is one of the most difficult math problems there is?
Appreciating what we have is living in the present moment whereas our unfulfilled expectations can cloud the beauty of the moment.
Yet there’s a trap: Some people say that appreciation and gratitude attract more things to be grateful for and to appreciate. Gratitude with in-built expectation, so to speak. It’s not going to happen for most people.
Thanks for sharing your insights.
Best,
Oliver
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Sonia
You are right about that Oliver and I can say I am one of them. I started a business 11 years ago online with the expectations of making tons of income and it got me nowhere but frustrated and I ended up spending more then I need to. I can say I walked away with a real appreciation for running a business and more gratitude for the opportunity it provided me too. Thank you Oliver for your comment.
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Roz Bennetts
Hi Sonia,
I’m just wandering around reading posts that catch my eye and I liked this one because in reading it I realised many times in my life I had very high expectations for myself in my work which if I failed to attain, really knocked me sideways.
Now I look back at those same events I can take a much more realistic view of what happened and often I realise I was way too hard on myself.
The funny thing is the trait is ingrained and I still do it today – reading your post made me see that, so I’m going to stop beating myself up, thank you!
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Sonia
You know I attended a Keynote with Tony Robbins and this hit me for a loop when he told us this story. It made me think about the expectations I have put on myself and the end result when things didn’t work out the I wanted it to. Again, so happy to see you here and thanks to Ms Adrienne for sending you here.
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Roz Bennetts
Thanks a lot Sonia, glad to be here too (and I’m applying what I learned yesterday, and it works!!).
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Sonia
Thanks Roz, I am glad you got something out of this as I did when it was presented to me. Stop by anytime.
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Lee
I think what we need is to make our expectations our dreams then we are heading in the right direction and focusing on what we really want out of life. Most of all though we have to know we are alive not just existing and going through the motions but living life.
Great read lee
Sonia
Well said Lee about being alive and not just going through the motions. Some of us do that and time has a funny way of passing by so fast and people not realizing the important things in their life now, rather than later. Thanks for your comments on this post Lee, I really appreciate that.
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Nan
it is good post and good comment I love to read it. Thank you Sonia.
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